When someone escalates to hurling the words “I feel suicidal” as a grenade into the space, what does the village do?

Do you diagnose, analyse the Kamikaze pilot mid-descent, apply a theory—This is your Gremlin—and step back from the fire?

Do you summon your Rescuer, armoured in good intentions, so you don’t have to feel the raw animal fear in your own chest?

Do you become the Victim, with shrapnel in your nervous system, where your mixed-emotion-fueled-helplessness and powerlessness feels like the truth?

Do you bargain—softly, urgently—inviting a false adaptive promise that the other won’t hurt themselves, a fragile treaty written and glued with fear?

Or do you let your Gremlin take the wheel, speaking from high ground and certainty:

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Israel Adesanya, is deemed to be one of the strongest middleweight fighters in the world. In the poignant documentary Stylebender, Israel is filmed in his process of healing. Through feeling and expressing emotions from historic scars he is leading the way, showing strength in his vulnerability. This is courage from a whole different perspective. He let himself Feel 2 Heal.

I was born into a Lancashire working class town Burnley, where most worked either in the mines or cotton mills.

Before immigrating to NZ in 1973 aged 14, I had an intrinsic sense that the world was my oyster, if I worked hard. My first paid job was when I was 13 at a shoe shop in Colne, a neighbouring town. Aged 20 I bought my first house in 1979 for $23,500 complete with a fridge, freezer and washing machine thanks to a NZ Housing Corp loan. I knew the joy of  creating what I wanted, I was part of the game: “for every winner there is a loser/s”.

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A doorway to meeting Israel Adesanya

During lockdown 2020 I was invited by ‘Grace’ to offer my skills and wisdom in order to bring light to a conflict situation she shared with her partner. I affirmed my availability and asked for her partner’s name.

She said “out of protection for him I don’t want to say his name because he is a famous sportsman.” I confidently assured Grace that there is a 99% chance I won’t know who he is. She didn’t buy it – “You will” she replied” I KNEW I wouldn’t.

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